What’s Wrong with ‘The Hunger Games’
I saw The Hunger Games for the first time last night. In honor of April 1, I thought it only fitting to make a list of What’s Wrong With the Hunger Games.
1. This is taking place several centuries in the future. Why are they still using 1920’s-era human coal miners? Forget about social injustice – it’s completely inefficient. If they are clever enough create genetically modified wasps (see below), why can’t they manage the comparatively simpler task of using conveyor belts, robots, and various other forms of automated coal mining?
2. How does Katniss just prance through the high-security electric fence at the boundary of District 12? If it’s that easy to bypass, it’s not doing much good and they should just take it down.
3. What the heck is a mockingjay. This species isn’t in any ornithology text I’ve consulted. Anyways, jays don’t sing; the screech.
4. Why is everyone in the age range of 12 to 18 eligible to be drafted as a Tribute? What good is a 12-year-old in a death fight? Why not just draft 16- to 18-year-olds for an interesting fight?
5. For that matter, since volunteering is evidently permitted, why do the districts wait for the rulers to come and pick names out of a fish-bowl? Wouldn’t it be smarter to get together beforehand, and have your own draft, and include only fit, athletic 18-year-olds? Then have the ‘winner’ volunteer. Yeah, it stinks if you’re the ‘winner’, but at least you’d have the satisfaction of knowing you gave your life to save a helpless 12 year old.
6. Why is the salute of good will in the future the Boy Scout sign?
7. Why do they take a train to the capital? Don’t they have planes? And why does the train take like a week to arrive? At 200 mph, you could travel the entire width of North America in less than 12 hours.
8. Anyone else notice that, except for a little more facial hair, Wes Bentley looks basically the same as he did as the devil in Ghost Rider? He needs to diversify his film persona a little!
His Hunger Games character also looks like its channeling Kenneth’s Branagh’s Dr. Loveless in The Wild Wild West:
10. Let’s get to fundamentals. This whole trope of ‘selected individuals fight proxy battle for their overlords’ amusement to save a community’ was old even when William Shatner fought Gorn, the lizard spaceship commander. Deduct points for lack of originality!
11. The whole world has watched the hunger games for like the last 74 years. Isn’t it obvious that if you run for the supplies right off you’ll get butchered? So why are people still doing it?
12. Back to the wasps. First, why would anyone want to genetically modify wasps? Don’t they have anything better to do (like genetically engineering crops to feed the starving masses)? Is this just something they did for the Hunger Games? Given that people are already hacking each other to pieces, does the game need this added excitement?
And if you’re going to genetically engineer wasps, what is the point of making their venom cause hallucinations? Isn’t ‘searing pain’ and death enough? Or why not make the wasps super huge? But hallucinogenic wasps? I just don’t get it.
13. Why pad the plot with the pointless detail of Peeta (there’s a name for you) making himself look like tree bark and rock moss. Yeah, he knows how to do it because he decorated cakes in his parent’s bakery — I got that part. But where does he get the special paint or makeup or whatever he needs to make such realistic disguises? It must take a ton of time. Why not just jump under a pile of leaves?
And who in District 12, which makes Appalachia look like a country club, is buying fancy decorated cakes?
14. The bad guys sleep like babies beneath the tree Katniss has climbed, and don’t notice her sawing the limb with the wasps nest. Wouldn’t someone be staying awake to be on the lookout for the remaining Tributes out to kill them?
For that matter, why don’t these other Tributes sneak up and kill them? Why doesn’t Rue do it? Or tell her co-Tribute – he looks more than able. Instead, she climbs the tree next to Katniss so she can tell her about the wasps.
15. You’d think Katniss would be a little more careful to recover her arrows after shooting them. She only had a few to begin with.
16. Come on, what are the odds that an arrow will tear a mesh bag just enough to let a few apples out, which then just happen to bounce conveniently on a couple of land mines?
17. The wasps didn’t bother me anywhere near as much as the weird hyena-dogs from hell. At first I thought the designers, after showing the ‘concept sketch’ to the director, were going to manufacture them by some conventional means. But they just press a button, and shazaam! – there they are. That simply defies the laws of physics. They can’t be real – they’d have to be more like images on a holodeck. So is the whole thing just virtual reality? The movie writers really got their genres confused on this one.
18. And now the really unbelievable fact: this silly film grossed $700 million, and that’s just for the first of four installments!